Yesterday was my wedding anniversary. I’ve been married over 30 years. We were very young… clearly.
So to mark the special occasion last year, I took a walk down memory lane. Earlier, I posed a question, “What would you tell your younger self?” That post can be found HERE.
I shared what I would tell myself if I could go back in time and warn her.. errrr, me. You can find my advice in the link above. What intrigued me was all of the responses from YOU! I loved the advice and thought there were a few common themes – slow down and enjoy where you, take chances, listen to your gut. I wanted you to see your responses because I think there is some sage advice here. To make it easier to read, I only included the actual advice and edited out other stuff that was talking about how awesome I am. (hee, hee) Otherwise this post would be way too long. I also just used a last initial for the names. Some people left their full last name, and you can click on the original post to see the comments and the full names if given.
Before I get to your responses, don’t forget to listen to today’s podcast episode. It’s chocked full of great ideas, and someone has a revealing incident in the grocery store. Tune in to find out who.
EPISODE 88 HOW TO USE PUMPKINS IN FALL DECOR
Jeanette K said
Always learn and teach respect as that seems to be what is lacking most in society today. Respect for people and things alike.
I think your comments ring true with most of us. Hindsight is always 20/20 and to relive those days knowing what we know now…..Not sure how many would go back but we all need to express what we do know to our children, grandchildren & even great-grandchildren and hope they don’t look at us like “DUH!!! I know that” even though we know they don’t.
Thanks for making us (me) think back to when I was 15 and hoping that the young lady from a suburb in St. Louis would be proud of the “young” woman who now lives in rural southeast Missouri lived her life well, raised 2 beautiful daughters with her husband of 44 years and now retired enjoying what life has given her.
Ginger V said
Oh Anita, I never listened to anyone and that would probably include a letter from my future self! I would think it was parental “propaganda “! The only advice i wish I would have been able to give myself would be 1) USE SUNSCREEN AND QUIT lying in the sun, and that 2) happiness is a choice. Just choose it! You will immediately start living in the moment
(I think of my mom in everything I do.) Recipes, dishes I use, no milk jugs or mayo jars on the table etc.
Take a chance, risk it now. I would have said, do it more. I was so afraid of making a mistake I didn’t do things I can no longer do now. The thought of incurring debt and disappointing everyone (but myself) really hampered me.
…spend an entire Summer with my Mamaw and Papaw, trying to learn how to cook that wonderful way she did, with fresh vegetables and butter and cream from the farmer next door to them. He delivered it fresh early Saturday morning just in time for those melt in your mouth biscuits. I would learn how to quilt and crochet and to be an angel here on earth, just like she was, sigh.
Lemmens Chantal said
Hello from Belgium,I love your post Anita . When I was younger I dreamed of a family, a wonderfull husband,3 beautifull boys,a big house with a large field and why not a little wood and little river on the back without forget a dog!
Now…I’m alone,a beautifull big son,live in a little city with a little garden …and I dream of Luberon!
Your post make me think about a french film( I don’t know if it’s translate in english so watch it;it is plaisant) in french: ” l’ âge de raison ” with Sophie Marceau.
A woman 40 years old reveices a letter,another and another…It was letters she wrote when she was 7.
With their dreams,recommandations…
I read your blog with plaisure. Cross fingers to win ?
Excuse me for mistakes,my english it’ s just “school remember”!?
Chantal
If my 15 year old self knew all the things she would do, she would not believe it! All the things, good and bad, right and wrong, make me who I am today. Three grown children (what? I’m going to have KIDS? I don’t want kids!) that I am so proud of. Husband #3 (What? I’ve been divorced twice and I don’t ‘believe’ in divorce!) whom I adore after these short 16 years. No horses in my life anymore (what? I can’t LIVE without a horse) all the things my younger self would not accept as possible, my older self has lived as an adventure. I loved this post and all it brought to mind. Life is good! Live it in the here and now!
To my younger self….play more, work less.
Pamela said
Your post rings true for me today. I turned 60 today. My husband wanted to celebrate big. I did not. I just wanted to rest and relaxation. Yesterday was a big family reunion and I’m tired. But reading your words made me think what I would say to your thoughts. I wouldn’t change a thing, but then I’d change everything. But not the fact that I treated myself and bought the latest Country French magazine and see you there! I feel like someone I know made it big!!
So I’ll make myself another iced coffee because it’s my birthday and read it from cover to cover….Congratulations!!
I have one simple piece of advice for myself…”Take the chance…”
Sometimes I think to my younger self, I would of cleaned less, their were times I would send my husband to games with the kids so I could stay home and clean and get my time. The kids grew so fast and I realize those things are the little things now..
I wish I had taken the time to write down the family history and stories before my grandparents, aunts and uncles passed.
I wish I had listened more to my parents. They really DID know what they were talking about.
I wish I had been a bit easier on my children.
I wish I had worked less and played more.
relax, believe in yourself, spend more time having fun with your kids, you will survive huge challenges, and everything works out the way it is supposed to.
and you will live happily ever after!
Relax and enjoy life. Give up the perfectionism. Go to Mass every Sunday.
Take responsibility for your own life. Own it.
don’t worry: Laissez les bon temps rouler!
enjoy life more – to not be so perfectionistic. It’s OKAY to make a B … or even a C! And last – I would tell myself to not wish for thinner thighs (little did I know how thin they were!) ?
Don’t be a nurse just because every e family expects it. You should love what you do. Don’t date men who treat you like crap and want you to help them with money.Don’t eat dessert.
Tell the truth
about what has happened to you. Don’t pretend everything is OK out of fear. Most of all, love who you are. Don’t listen to disparaging remarks and bullying.
Judy said
Ahh so wise…… so grateful that in spite of the “trip ups ” we experienced in our lives we can learn from them and inspire our children, “grands ,” and others along the way.
Practice patient; especially with the elderly.
Be gracious.
Appreciate everything, it could be gone in a minute.
Be brave.
Thank a Veteran.
Do not take your health for granted.
I would have told myself that I was stronger than I thought I was. I would have told myself to go college and vet school.
You can never say, “I love you” too much.
have a light heart, a mind that wants to learn a little about everything, stay true to your soul, forgive easily, love deeply even if it hurts, push yourself,you won’t break, do for others, remember your faith always, and stay strong. Last but not least. Smile. Someone needs to see it.
It’s so true. There are always things we wish we had done differently, but all in all I’m glad with most of my decisions made when I was younger. Especially marrying my husband at 21. We’re still going strong 36 years later and I love him more now than when we got married. As long as the important decisions were made right, it’s all good. Even the bad decisions have helped form us into the person we are today.
“Relax. If you follow your heart you’re going to wind up exactly where you’re supposed to.” Oh, and “Eat the cookie… But not the whole box!” ?
When you are young it’s hard to understand that everything happens for a reason- life will get better…..
smile more, don’t worry about what the rest of the world thinks, be happy.
Some things I let go unsaid, some things I wish I had not said. Oh to relive those decisions!
Enjoy the time you have with your parents, they are gone much too soon.
Take care of yourself. That old saying is true! “If I knew I was going to live so long, I would have taken better care of myself!
And stop wishing for tomorrow, as you get older the tomorrow’s come hurling toward you at warp speed!
I am sixty six, still married after forty seven years to the love of my life. Regrets,yes, but by the grace of God have managed to turn those regrets into positive life lessons. Love always, learn to
laugh at yourself. Remember,you aren’t perfect, but neither is anyone else!
enjoy the days while the boys are young, don’t rush it, don’t say when they are older then I can do…..(whatever it may be at that moment!) I love my boys and miss those baby-toddler days!! Enjoy the right now!
Glad I’ve moved forward, but would not change a single experience…(even though I would not repeat many of them if given the chance.) All the questionable choices and their consequences make me who I am today and I actually like who I have become.
do not worry so much, God has every hair on your head counted! There are no coincidences, if you follow the golden rule , no worries ‘
My oldest grandchild will be 13 in 4 weeks. I will use this thought-provoking post to share with her my thoughts for my younger self. We live some distance apart and texting is our communication tool of choice. Day 1 text: Find something in each day that makes you grateful…write it in your journal to remember, to revisit, and to reflect.
Savor every minute of your youth for soon you will blink and be 50ish. Take more trips, enjoy time with your parents. And dance dance dance your heart out!
Love and respect yourself first, if you don’t, know one else will. Loved this post, so good.
Enjoy every minute and don’t think too far into the future……And don’t take the car with your brother, dad WILL find out…..oh, and wear that bikini….yes, that one.
To my younger self.. Decorate with nature, save extra money, do everything you can for your parents because they do everything they can for you!!
Patricia (NC Coast)
worry less, laugh more; travel more, say I love you often and ask for help more readily!
Never say no to taking the job you will love, versus the one that may pay you more money.
You will be so glad that you took photos of your children and family growing up. Don’t worry that you don’t know everything right now. Keep learning all the time and you will be amazed at what you can learn in a lifetime. Keep smiling.
Cindy said
2) don’t do things to please others ( what I did most of my life)
This works-for the others that you set out to please, never yourself. Now that I am doing what I want to do, wearing what I want to, saying what I want to and not worry about pleasing the world, everyone is saying, “Gee you changed”. No, I just stopped being what you wanted me to be.
everything will be alright. I know you don’t believe that right now,
but it will. Just have confidence in yourself.
pursue art and don’t be intimidated by the “weirdos” in that field… take the great books classes even though they are not on the requirement list for teachers… be more proactive in making choices and do not be so acquiescent to what others say you should do… learn to deal with f.e.a.r. False Evidence Appearing Real. Embrace your gifts of making others feel good … don’t apologize for being you… get rid of the guy(s) who want to keep you down to their level. Now, at 63, I am content, God has richly blessed. But my 15 year old self could have really used some advice!
don’t worry about what other people think and don’t be so critical of yourself. Don’t settle for a career that isn’t really what you want—-go on to medical school and become an obstetrician! You can do it!
Play more with the children, take time with your grandparents, your father. Trust your instincts. Time goes so quickly, store up those precious memories. And, it’s okay to wear white, so what if there’s a spill!
My fifteen year old self could never have imagined me being 70! I don’t regret anything I’ve done in life because it all brought me where I am today and I have much to be thankful for, but if I could have told her one thing it would have been don’t put off taking those cake decorating classes. One day your hands may be too arthritic to actually decorate cakes.
As a nurse, I spent most of my days caring for the elderly! Just loved these dear souls and they were always so grateful for whatever you did for them. It always made your heart feel good at the end of the day knowing that you had given your best for these dear souls! Little did I know that I would nurse my dear and precious Mom for over 10 years — and then be there for my dear Dad after my Mom passed away. These years have taught me so much and I am so thankful for the wonderful experiences I had. It has brought me so much happiness — and I thank God for this as it has been a wonderful life experience. I don’t think I would be the person I am today had I not experienced the good and the bad days caring for these dear people.
Always go the extra mile because you just never know who needs that kind word, smile, hug, or a helpful hand! Go by what your heart tells you and you will never go wrong!
Bonnie B said
“don’t stop running, study harder, don’t worry about what everyone thinks about you, after high school.
There are so many things I wish I could tell my younger self. Experience gives us the wisdom that we do not have when we are young.
work hard on yourself more and dump all boyfriends until after college! Spend time traveling and don’t take the first job offered to you! And for heaven’s sake marry Bobby. He’s a winner!
Every day is a gift, learn to treasure it, & each person in your life. Set healthy boundaries….do what is right, integrity, honor, morals, are all important but above all seek after God with your whole heart. Enjoy the adventure and remember that looking forward to your life is good, living each day as if it is your last, and glancing back to the past to learn from it, and leave a legacy worth having.
There are several things I would do differently but only if it didn’t change the overall blessings I have received in life. I agree that wishing time away to hurry on to the next step is something I would advise against. Preparing for the future without wasting the present would be a balance I would strive for.
treasure those I love more…like my mother. I lost her to breast cancer way too early. Your daughters are blessed to have such a loving mother. Treasure those we love, for we never know when they won’t be with us anymore. Wish I had known that then….
After 54 years of marriage to the same dear man, who suffers badly from Parkinsons Disease, I am so grateful for the memories of our travels when we could. My dad said, make memories and don’t worry about the money so much. So true. Looking back is sometimes hard, and sometimes the best ever. God has blessed us mightily.
choose happiness; leave negativity behind.
Have more fun. Take more risk.
Be true…lovely post and memories…thank you
With age comes wisdom. Every day is a beautiful and precious gift. Be kind to yourself.
believe in myself; to not be so critical. And to relish the tiny waist and flawless skin!
Love this post! I would tell my younger self that moving so many times (w my parent’s job) and being the new kid in school over and over really is going to make you into a stronger person. Really. And younger self, you are an introvert – you are not shy or backward or anti-social, you just work differently than the extroverts you are surrounded by – embrace it and the many strengths that come with it!
I loved this! It has really provoked my thinking of my past and present as well as how to better guide my daughters’ hearts. I know that allyou failures have brought me to where I am today but I also have to think hat kind of person would I be today if I’d been mature enough or stronger in charaster to have chosen more wisely in the past. Hmmm.
dream big and go for it. You can do anything!!!
love yourself for who you are (including the flaws), date the nice guys not the “gorgeous” ones, live in the moment, and think about the things you are grateful for each day…
“Not to Sweat the small stuff”, spend more time playing with your children when they are young (time flies), and take time for yourself, don’t worry about things you can’t control, pray.
not to do anything that I would not want my mother to hear about if it were announced in church.
Forgive your mom now, in fact forgive everyone right now. Such GOOD advice!!
save more money…that the job you are doing now will come in quite handy some day…..take more control of your life instead of letting other people choose FOR you….always love yourself….the little things are the best joys in life!
don’t be so shy, speak up, join clubs, get involved. Housework can wait, play with your children, they’re going to be grown way too fast. Don’t worry about money, things will always work out, one way or another.
At 15 I was such a dreamer, because we were poor and so therefore I dreamed of traveling to far away places. I would tell my younger self to never ever give up on your dreams and never ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Although I haven’t lived all of my dreams, I have lived the biggest part of them and along the way I met a wonderful guy, been married to him for 54 years and have three beautiful children, five beautiful grand children who have given us five beautiful great granchildren (and counting). Oh, but he way, I still have my dreams. ?
Peggy said
try to enjoy where I am at the time and enjoy my life. Life does go so very fast.
worry less about what others think, to be less of a people-pleaser and true to my own calling. To explore my God given talents to see where they take me. To believe that it is possible to make a living doing what you love – the intersection of passion and profession is a destination many are able to find. But it’s also OK to make a good living – to afford doing what you love. Never abandon your talents – they never leave you – they are what make you unique.
I spent my childhood suffering from Rheumatoid Arthritis. I fought it every step of the way. I am so glad I did. Now I’m very limited by the ravages of the beastly Rheumatoid and I have wonderful memories. It was so painful and I’m soooo proud of myself for fighting it. The strength and courage I gained all those years ago helps me now. I remember how hard it was to walk some times. Now when I drag myself to the kitchen I KNOW I can do it as I pass by my wheelchair.
Listen to your inner voice…your “gut” is usually right.
I think this was my best post ever! The best part is… you wrote it! Thank you!!!!
Oh my goodness you have me thinking! I have been married to my husband 42 yrs and have 2 beautiful step daughters and a grandson I think I would have listened better about good health (due to when I was 24 had to have a complete hysterectomy) I would of listened to the stories of my elders cause now I am trying to find out about my history. Oh my I could go on… Thank you and God bless
I missed sending a reply. Thought you might like what my grandmother told me when I told her I was engaged. I have been married 57 years! Hard to believe. This special woman that was always there for her family said “There is more to life than having some man’s babies!” Made me see her in a whole new light. So glad I was able to marry and have more options than she had. In many ways we have come a long way.
OMG! I feel guilty saying this, but I can’t think of a thing I would have done differently! While it didn’t seem so at the time, because I have always thought of myself as very conservative, I have, in fact, been quite a daredevil.
My cousin and I painted her kitchen ruby red one day 50 years ago. It was fabulous! I accepted a marriage proposal from a man I had only known for 6 days. We’ve been married for nearly 35 years now. I talked the president of a very large company into buying me a PC in exchange for giving up my personal secretary. That made me the only manager (outdide of the IT dept) with a computer. It was a gamble that made me the most productive sales person in the company. Within 2 years every manager in the company was asking for his / her own PC.
I am in my late 60’s. Hubby and I are planning to sell everything and move to France for another adventure!
Why merely think ouside the box? My motto is , “There is no box.”
Smiles from Charlotte Des Fleurs
I have been married 55 years, I was 18 by two days. What I would tell my young self is respect others but respect yourself. Any time I wanted to do something just for us I was told I was being selfish. What I failed to realize is that they were being selfish. There is room in the world for everyone. The other issue is everything is settled over time so relax