When some people hear ‘no’ they often interpret it to mean one of the following;
I don’t like you.
You aren’t talented.
You aren’t good enough.
Who do you think you are?
Are you joking?
You are a nobody.
This is not what ‘no’ means. Let me explain.
I get a lot of wonderful opportunities. Some of my blogger friends privately ask me later, how did you get that gig. My answer often is – I asked. When I ask I usually get a ‘yes’, but sometimes I get a ‘no’ or I get no response. Every time I ask, I know the response could be ‘no’. Does that stop me? Not at all! It doesn’t even slow me down. It doesn’t hurt my pride or sense of worth at all.
And here’s my secret. I understand what ‘no’ really means. As they say in Texas, This ain’t my first rodeo. I have heard ‘no’ a lot and I’ve had to say it also.
Here is what it could mean –
- I’m too busy to think about this right now.
- I’m committed to working with someone else right now and I will consider you later.
- I don’t think this is a good fit for me.
- You didn’t fully explain how I would benefit from this.
- I didn’t understand exactly what you were saying.
- This idea has promise but needs to be fleshed out more.
- I’m having a bad day.
- I’m stressed.
- I’m swamped.
- I didn’t get your email.
- I forgot to get back to you.
- Your email went to my spam folder.
- I get tons of emails every day and they all look alike. Yours looked like all of the others.
- You need to work on your craft more. Try me later.
- I am focused on something else right now. This is bad timing, contact me again in 2 months.
I remember submitting this photo to Southern Living magazine.
Their response? Don’t call us, we’ll call you… like never. Okay I’m paraphrasing. The response was much more polite than that. Still it was a ‘no’. It wasn’t we’ll think about it, it was ‘no’ without any encouragement to resubmit later. So I went back and looked at my masterpiece, and thought, why didn’t they want it? I looked at the room with fresh eyes. I worked on it some more. I tweaked it, and tweaked it, and tweaked it again.
Then another magazine was interested in this room. They too turned it down also. I worked on the house some more. Then when Fifi of Priarie Style magazine saw it, she said the magic word, YES! I knew Fifi would do a lovely job of photographing and styling it. Then afterwards, someone who works with Country Living magazine was interested in it. Since it was already photographed by Prairie Style magazine, I knew that Country Living would not want to feature a home already shown in national magazine. I took the ‘no’ not as ‘no’, but as ‘not yet’. Rather than getting mad at Southern Living, I took it as a challenge.
My point is that sometimes no means you aren’t ready yet, and you need to hone your craft. Think of all the incredibly talented authors that got rejection letter after rejection letter. They didn’t need to redo their manuscript, they just needed to find someone who recognzed their genius.
I very seldom accept a ‘no’ as a permanent condition.
This isn’t exactly a ‘no’, but it makes my point. I had a blog critique years ago. The reviewer was rather brutal. She hated my ‘about me’ page. Her specific words were basically that I didn’t come across as likable. I could have taken offense. I could have lashed out and branded her a ‘hater’. I thoughtfully read my page again from her perspective. I realized then and there that it totally sucked. It was boring, and sounded more like a resume. She was right. I redid it. She reread it. She loved it. She cried. Her negative feedback helped me to improve. See my reworked ‘about’ page HERE.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
Don’t accept ‘no’ as a permanent condition.
Don’t let it affect your sense of self-worth.
Do see it as feedback and look at how you can improve.
Don’t dislike the person who says no. They might say yes later.
Don’t give up.
Since Southern Living told me no, my home has been in 10 or so national magazines, and an Italian one. It’s currently on the cover of Country French magazine (in case you missed it, ha!) Had I given up when they said no, none of that would have happened.
When you hear ‘no’ this is not a sign that you need to give up on your dreams.
‘No’ is not the end of the road, it’s just a potole on the way to success.
Well, that’s the way I like to think of it.
Anita, This was encouraging. Thanks so much. One of my goals is to be in a magazine. Could you tell me who you contact via email with a proposal? Is it the Senior Editor? The Editor in Chief? Or who? Most magazines don’t include an email address. How do you contact them? Thanks again,, Pat
P.S. I’m anxiously awaiting delivery of your book. Congrats and well deserved. .
Pat, I should be shipping books next week, Lord willing! As for magazines, each one is different. Try their website and see if they have a submission process. Or you can try HARO and look for a magazine that is searching for content. HARO is help a reporter out.
Thank you for this lovely, encouraging post. Sometimes the NO’s can feel crushing, but I, too, try not to take them too personally. You’ve done a magnificent job in using your talents. Best wishes for your continued success!
I’ve always said that the ‘no’ isn’t a forever word. You listed many good reasons why people pass up on something and then surprise us with a yes.
At times when I’ve been turned down for something, it taught me that I needed to improve, to change and at times it taught me to walk away.
Anita,
I’m so blessed to have you in my life, dear friend!!!
Thank you for not taking ‘No” as a final answer!!!
You are a great encourager.
The world needs more “No is not the end of the road,
it’s just the pothole on the way to success.” Anita Joyce
Thank you for sharing and inspiring!!!
Fondly,
Pat
Anita,
Love your attitude, never give up someone will see your genius!!!!
Anita, this post is so honest and encouraging. You’ve worked hard to hone your craft. You are an excellent writer (love your new book) photographer, and styler. Your blog has grown in leaps and bounds because you hung in there and held on to your creative dream. Thanks for the reminder that “no” is not the end of the road and rejections can make us strive to be even better. You inspire me Anita!
Hello Anita! Your home is beautiful and I actually found you in the Country French magazine! What an honor! I was wondering if you would share where you found that beautiful basket in front of your bed? I’m in love and this mother of five boys thinks it will make a wonderful coffee table! If you could help in anyway, I would greatly appreciate it.
That was from Hobby Lobby years ago.
Thanks! I’m enjoying your blog!
This was a great Post and a very Encouraging one on so many levels. My problem was kind of the opposite once, a Publication asked me to allow them to Photograph my Home and I was mortified at the Stress I would have felt to have to ready our Home and my Studio Space for something so significant and so I said No. It was really hard to come across in a way that was not offensive, though flattering, I knew I was not ready to take that leap into a Publication of our Personal Space or what it might entail to get ready for a Photo Shoot that would be professional? After all, in the Land of Blog I can easily keep any mess out of frame, right? And give the Illusion that everything is Lovely and Orderly! *winks* So the only thing I would add is that sometimes our No is more about our own insecurities than anything personal, at least mine was in that particular instance. Dawn… The Bohemian
Oh well, I hope you get your home in a magazine!
I would love to know where to purchase a lantern like the one on the cover of Country French Magazine. I’m building a new home but lover that old world look.
It is from Ballard Designs Laura.
This is such an encouraging, inspiring post. I’ve heard Yes before…and I’ve heard No, too…one thing I have learned is don’t take it personally. And sometimes it takes a lot longer than you think…patience helps. Congratulations on all of your well-deserved success!
Thanks so much for all the encouraging words in this post. Your rooms are out of this world and I can’t imagine ANY magazine turning you down…I know it does happen, tho…and we should never give up trying for something we really want.
Me…??? I want POP UP ADS to disappear forever but…….:)
Wow! What a wonderful post, Anita! I believe the Lord led me to read your words of encouragement today … they came at the perfect time and are a true blessing! Thank you!
Just what I need at the perfect time. I just read your About me page, so encouraging. I find myself taking others words too personally, and ” No” to me means I’m not good enough. I should just look at it as just a “No” from this person that doesnt mean the next person will say no. Thank you for this post.
I’m so glad it was helpful Sherri.
Anita, you are awesome and an inspiration!! Thank you for a wonderful post! I loved your about page, it is wonderful and yes it made me tear up also. God bless!
Love this post Anita. I suspect we all need a few no’s along the way to keep us on our toes.
I needed to hear this today. Thanks for being there when I needed to hear this.
Anita, thank you so much for sharing this bit about “NO”…I have a lovely little shop in Ventura Ca and have wanted to get published and photographed, and have had offers, however, I really don’t think at the time I was ready and I see that now…Pushing forward is really the right and positive attitude. I just love your style and what you have done…thanks again for sharing. You made my day…Mary
Well said Anita!!!!….You are a true example of never giving up and look how far you have gotten!….Bravo!