I keep hearing that grown children don’t want to inherit our stuff. This has been a hot topic for awhile. I asked my daughter if she wanted to inherit our stuff or not. She specifically mentioned that she likes my ‘colorful’ dishes. She pointed to my chintzware. Wise choice Grasshopper! Those are really fun and nice. She also mentioned she wants to keep my Francisian Desert Rose dishes. I had just decided to sell that set, so now I’ll discuss that decision with her before I do anything. I have a lot of dishes, and I would really like to get rid of more.
Below is one of my favorite plates we inherited from my mother-in-law, Bea.
I know at the end of Bea’s life she spent a lot of time thinking about her stuff and what would happen to it. We said we would try to keep as much of the good stuff as we could. Of course she never threw anything out, so we had every letter she had ever received, pretty much since the beginning of time. I really did try to honor her request, but oh my, I already had a full house, and our tastes were quite different. In the end, I kept the best dishes, the silver, the crystal, the old letters, a few of her old purses and hats, and some other things. She had long white gloves from when people wore them. I’m not sure how often she did wear the gloves; that was before my time. I suspect it was in the Jackie Kennedy era. There was a old fox stole with beady eyes where the mouth is a clip that bits the tail. Apparently there were all the rage long ago.
I love the chintz teapot below. The luncheon set (the teacup on the salad plate) belonged to Bea. She hosted a lot of teas. I did too, but not as many as she did. I don’t host many teas these days.
She had also saved everything she could from my husband’s childhood. There were many souvenirs from their travels around the world. The only place I went as a kid was Oklahoma. I just thought I would throw that out there.
We did not keep the piano. Nobody in the family plays it, and it takes up a lot of space. My daughter does play the guitar, so we kept my father-in-law’s Gibson guitar. She plays it often. When my daughter Evie graduated from college, I wore my father-in-law’s college ring and my mother-in-law’s favorite ring. It was a small gesture that Bea would have loved. She was very sentimental.
The display box below holds a picture of Bea as a young girl, the kangaroo salt and pepper shakers from her trip to Australia in the 70s, and the bookend of the man holding the books. It’s hand carved wood. The little doll’s dresser was an old family piece also.
I kept many of Bea’s things from the 40s including her WWII ration books.
So what do I plan to do? I guess I’m going to live my life, and enjoy our stuff. Then after we’ve left this earth, it will be my daughter’s decision what happens to our earthly possessions. I plan to be in heaven, focused on one big family reunion. What they do with my stuff is none of my business. What are your thoughts? Did you inherit things? Do your kids want your things?
After my mom died, I chose certain plates and bowls that I honestly don’t use that much but I remember the story for each item. The crystal fruit bowl I never saw until her move to an assisted living center has a story about how they used to just throw keys in it until she realized its value. The antique pink floral china bowl was found on one of our junking trips and celebrated with soup and salad at our favorite restaurant. The deep green leaf shaped plate that I always use for sliced tomatoes for my family dinners was found at her senior subdivision’s garage sale. My kids may not want these items but they do know the stories behind them and when it’s time to pass them on maybe they will feel the need to that connection as I did. If not, it becomes someone else’s family story and that’s not a bad thing.
My siblings and I spent a year cleaning out my parents’ house after Mother passed away. I kept the things I liked or that reminded me of them. The rest was donated or given away to kids and neighbors.
I am trying to get my husband to purge his things before we get much older–mostly all his paperbacks! I don’t want our kids to be overwhelmed like we were. In all fairness, he has done some of it. But not nearly enough. I continue to purge my belongings.
Funny, Anita, the only place we went on vacation when I was a kid was Oklahoma! We lived in Texas and then Louisiana. Both sets of grandparents lived there. I loved going, and to this day, when I see the oil wells that pump up and down (we called them grasshoppers) waves of nostalgia wash over me. I do not feel deprived when I hear friends talk about their childhood vacations, nor do I feel the need to travel a lot. I knew my grandparents well, and my parents paid for all three of us to go to college. I appreciate their priorities.
I only have one child and my son has joked that he is the curator of the Wells museum! Actually he is a sentimental person and the things he grew up with are important to him and my DIL is the same way. But I told my son many times, keep what you love and sell the rest, because it will be purchased by someone who will love it too! I would rather something be used and enjoyed than packed away in a box in the attic.
I truly enjoyed reading today’s blog! Evidently Be & my mom were of the same era… They lived through The Depression, when everyone held onto everything they could! When my mom passed away, my brother and I kept very little of her belongings, because ( like you) our homes are over-filled, as well! I regret not keeping more of her keepsakes. Concerning the fox/ mink stole: every Sunday the lady that sat directly in front of me wore the exact same stole. It fascinated me, and I would sit on the edge of the church pew and rub the mink’s head ( beady eyes staring at me) until my mother would pull my hand away & give me her stern looks! I am now 65, and had not thought about Mrs. McKenzie & her stole in a long time. Thanks for the trip down memory lane!!!
My grandmother had a red fox stole and a silver fox stole that she was so very proud of. She only wore them on Sundays and to winter weddings. Every visit, though, we cousins turned them into puppets to pester each other and all the grownups…good times!
That is hilarious Marcy!!!
Mink stole with eyes and nose dates way further back than Jackie Kennedy (60s). My grandmother and aunts wore them back in the 40s. And yeah, they were great puppets and fun to keep little ones occupied and quiet in church. “Mommy” wore evening gowns frequently and a cool weather event always involved the minks!!! Her’s we nicknamed Wink (eyes!) and Fink…can’t believe I remembered that!!! They were affixed in such a way that one bit the tail of the other…one in front shoulder area…other on opposite back shoulder. Thanks for the memory lane trip!!!
Linda, yes of course the mink stoles were popular well before Jackie. I meant that she wore the gloves around the time Jackie was wearing hers. I am so amused by all of the stories of the mink stoles. Ha!
Funny how Oklahoma is a vacation destination. That was where we went also. We would drive from southern Calif and visit my grandparents in OK.
My kids really don’t care about my stuff either. My 3 daughter-in-laws live a much faster passed lives than I did as a young person. I doubt my sons will care about many items either. Maybe the tide will change and my granddaughters will want some of my treasures.
My parent didn’t have family things from their parents, so we treasure some of the things they’ve passed to us early. I have my mom’s china, silver and crystal that will go to my son’s daughter who is named for her. My own china, silver and crystal has already gone to my daughter.
I took my parents ‘ dining room furniture and am now passing that happily to one of my nieces.
You have kept some beautiful and meaningful things.
My son said to leave it up to his wife, my DIL. Her taste is West Elm and Pottery Barn and nothing else. So I’ve started packing up my grandmother’s dishes and teapots and other stuff I’ve collected over the years. I will either sell them on eBay, Craigslist or at the Flea Market where I like to find MY treasures. It’s time for someone else to cherish them.
I have been cleaning out all my stashes of stuff. To my amazement my granddaughter and granddaughter in law want some of my stuff! They are setting up first homes and say they need stuff but want it to have some history. Love those girls!
I inherited a great deal because my Mom was a only child and her mother the only daughter, so I have my mom, grandmother, ggrandmother and even gggradmothers things! My Grabdnother labeled everything and told me how special they were. I have no children, so sad that someday there will be a big auction. I do have nieces that want my jewelry at least.
I think someday today’s kids will regret letting so much go.
As you know, I have WAY too many dishes! I have no children to force them on, but I have a very sweet step-niece that liked my Desert Rose , so she now has place settings for 12, along with matching white and red wine glasses, sugar, creamer, platters, and a sweet little heart shaped plate. Unfortunately, this barely made a dent. I gave a set of Blue Willow to my friend Annette’s twin boys that they used through college and are now going their separate ways. One wants to keep my Blue Willow and the other is taking his grandmother’s 24 place settings and every matching item of Blue Onion. (I can’t tell you how happy she is about that).
It’s nice to find young people who show an interest in our possessions. I’d like to be able to give them away now as opposed to having some poor soul deal with it when I’m gone, because believe me, there will still be PLENTY!
BTW, that remark about the Jackie Kennedy era being before your time, that’ll be enough of that!
🙂
I was in a fairly debilitating wreck two years ago, and in the time since I’ve had a lot of time to think about stuff. It’s just stuff.
I realized I would rather see my children enjoying the items they want, instead of dealing with them in grief when I pass. They have been taking and enjoying keepsakes, furniture, etc., and I rejoice for them.
Unfortunately, the many items that have found new homes haven’t left any bare spots in my home ;).
Yep….just did this with our moms “stuff”…although she’s still living. We had to move her into assisted living at 90 and she was pretty devastated that her 3 children and 3 grands didn’t want every piece she ever had. She took select items to her 1 BR apartment and we took those pieces that truly had sentimental value to us. Much of the remainder (and there was a lot of stuff) went to 2 consignment stores. The dregs were sold at a yard sale. She was upset that the BBF was left (big brown furniture). You can’t give it away. We painted a French armoire in hopes it would sell…nope. We children are all in our 60’s …2 of us have already downsized and sold the surplus at auctions. The last thing I wanted was more stuff.
It took me 26 years to sell my daddy’s house… I so wish I’d done it sooner. I had to go through my aunt’s stuff when she died… and document every thing for the estate. Thus, I try to be mindful of stuff… there’s just too much.
We are all different. Some of us are sentimental and are emotionally attached to cherished items that evoke warm memories and family stories while others seem to have no such attachments. When I was younger, I thought my mother had terrible taste and I would not have wanted any of her things. As I matured and my tastes changed, hopefully for the better, I began to like more of the things I grew up with. Now that she is gone, I treasure her hand-me-downs even more. As some of us age, and memories start to fade, these items evoke the stories we may otherwise forget.
The same items that children may not want in their callow youth may become very important to them as they age and become the keepers of the family stories. So, I love your conclusion that we should enjoy what we have now and let them sort it out after we are gone.
I come from a family of pack-rats and so thought I, too, had to participate. My only child is a minimalist so I am conscientiously paring down all the time. I will leave her my jewelry, which hopefully she’ll want. Otherwise, it’s just stuff.
As one of your readers has said, I’ve tried to keep as much of my Mother’s things, even tho I don’t have room for them, I feel I don’t want anyone except some of my siblings to have them. There isn’t a lot of valuable things but I feel it would break my heart to sell them to complete strangers. Just can’t do that.
I can relate. Giving to strangers things that still have some value to me doesn’t make much sense even I have no use for them anymore. If I had it for any length of time, it held meaning for me. But if I can find someone to personally give it to, someone who wants to take it from me, I get a lot more in return. There’s a blessing in someone else taking my things when I offer it to them and I don’t miss them in the least. It’s healing because their taking it means the value is retained.
A water damage disaster is forcing us to remove a large built-in cabinet in my dining room and I have to find new homes for everything that was there. This unit held as much as three large kitchen cabinets plus three large drawers. As I removed everything, I made the decision to part with some of my grandmother’s things. Most of these things I will never display or use in my home. example of which are a couple of Avon ‘Collectable’ Christmas plates, which will be making their way to Salvation Army store near my home along with some other items. It makes me feel terribly guilty though.
Our stuff, sigh. I am an sentimental person with a Great Depression mentality that I apparently inherited from my grandparents as did my husband. It’s hard to let go of things. But that’s what we’ve been doing over the last ten years….a little at a time, baby steps. The hubs and I are 60 and 58 respectively with a 35 year old daughter, a 32year old son-in-law, a 32 year old son and a 5 year old granddaughter. I’m hoping the granddaughter will want a few of our things but I’m not holding my breath. I told the kids that when we’re gone to take what they want, let family and friends take what they would like and have an estate sale for the rest. We have a fair number of valuable pieces that should fetch a good price. We have a few pieces that date back to the mid 1800s and it would be nice if one of our children kept some of the pieces of our families history. But if they don’t then I hope they go to someone who will love them and values their age and history. I’m weeding through our things and slowly getting rid of the things that hold little value for me or the hubs and opening up space for the things that truly bring us joy to shine!
My only child, a son, is the least sentimental person alive so I can’t imagine that he’ll want any of my things. I downsized my home a couple of years ago and donated so many things that I’d been holding on to for years thinking he might want it someday. I do have some family jewelry and mementos that I’ll keep for him but the rest will be pared down over time until the excess is gone.
I come from a poor, rather large family, none of who had anything other than necessities. I regret that my grandparents and my parents did not have “stuff” to pass down to be remembered by. Everything was used until it needed to be replaced, then was replaced once again with low quality items that soon did not last.
I have fared somewhat better and have a few items that are special to me, but doubt that my children or my grandchildren will want them. I’ve not traveled to exotic places to collect souvenirs to pass down, unless a short stint living in California for work purposes qualifies and since I’ve retired, I take an occasional week to vacation in Florida.
My family’s generations come from small homes, including myself, so it was not possible to save and collect. My adult successful children are doing quite well, but the living with what you need has carried on, even though their houses are large and the stuff they “need” is high quality. Maybe things from them will pass down to my grandchildren, but my stuff, I’m sure, will be sold – and that’s okay. Times are different and things change.
Pat, my family had very few things to pass down also. I got 3 or 4 dishes from each grandmother, but that was it.
A couple of years ago when our kids were helping us paint the interior rooms, my middle son remarked that someday they would have quite the yardsale after we were gone. That got me thinking, and so I have made an anecdotal notebook entitled “Mom’s Heirlooms, Collections, and Carefully Curated Stuff”. I am listing and describing the provenance of things I’d like them to keep, if they wish. For some things I have noted who would like them or who should get them. The title page says “No fighting, no biting! Please share nicely.” Anything that doesn’t make the book is up for grabs or donation.
Today it is a different era. Formality is gone, casual is in. They don’t want anything. Even gift giving is a chore because all they want is money. Shame.
OMG!! Janet….you just hit the HEAD ON THE NAIL….no wait I mean the nail on the head!! Exactly what my 3 kids are all about….so…..I’ve told all 3 — some of my stuff is valueable and you can get some decent money out of it….otherwise…..call an auction place and split the check!!… I love you anyway…..:)
So true Linda!!! Let them decide what they want to keep.
I so appreciate this post!! I have some wonderful dishes and linens that I have inherited from my mom, grandmother, and great aunt. Everytime I use them or look at them on display so many memories come back! My most treasured pieces are the dessert rose dinnerware that were my grandmother’s everyday dishes as I was growing up. Thank you for sharing!
i am a big collector of Blue and White Windmill Canister Sets from Germany. I gave a complete set, including clock to my girl and have purchased other sets over the years for grandgirls…now that they are all grown, I am not sure they will even want them. Not sure what to do with all of it at this point. The girls are all in college right now so guess I’ll hang on to them for a few more years…maybe they will want them when they get homes of their own.
I have so enjoyed reading the post, and everyone’s comments. I, too, grew up poor, and wish I had more of my family’s things. I do have my grandmother’s cedar chest, and my daddy’s old pump organ and stand-up radio. I so cherish these items! I only have one son, and one granddaughter. He is a minimalist, and I know he won’t want my treasures. Hopefully my granddaughter will want to keep a few things. Blessings to all of you!
I bet she will Janice.
So interesting to read this as I am sitting in the middle of my Grandmothers house, taking a break from remodeling this home to be a short term rental. I have lost many family members that I have been involved with dispersing the stuff, let me share what I have learned from the experiences. First, the “ Monatary value” of the items does not outway the sentimental value , if those your are leaving it too has no memories of their own to associate with the item, it has very little of either kind of value. At one grandmother liquidation we were on a mad hunt for enough thimbles for each grandchild, THIMBLES… the kids all had fond memories of playing hide the thimble through the years and that is what they all wanted. When I was getting ready to sell my husbands grandmothers stuff, I was pricing a metal cake plate with lid , my husband said you can’t sell that , that’s what my grandmother used for the angel food cakes she made for my birthday .. he lifted the lid and took a sniff, replying you can still smell them. Recently getting ready for an estate sale of my Nanny we each had some “treasure “we were each trying to find… mine was a wire taco mold, you’d place a flat shell in it and then stuck it in oil to fry the shell… I remember my nannie frying taco shells all day to have enough for a family dinner… I’m hoping that my kids will want my beautiful Lenox bird pottery that they have eaten Christmas breakfast on every Christmas morning for years… my point is , use the stuff that you value , enjoy it, but the memories you hold might only have value to you … make memories for them by using your stuff with your children and Grandchildren, or nieces and nephews,etc, Give it away while you can see your family enjoy it , it means more as a gift from you! And who knows , a simple thimble might be worth a bar of gold in the precious memories of a loved one.
It seems we are all in one phase or another at this stage of life. My mother is the only living parent as of now and she is in a facility w dementia. I’m doing some renovating in her home following pipes breaking after a very hard freeze (yes, Oklahoma.) An estate sale is very near in the future and I will have someone come in to conduct it. She has many of my grandmother’s items and I already have some of them too. I’m a sentimental person with two grown sons and wives who are not likely to care much for my Spode, Mason’s and English items I purchase from a buyer who directly ships to her business w sales throughout the year. Now combining mine with mother and grandmother’s items will be daunting to say the least someday, but for now I’ll just focus on the estate sale and enjoy my own things at hand.
Yes, heaven is our true home and I’m moving toward there day by day?
I was a teenager when my parents died (at different times) so I wasn’t as sentimental about stuff as I would have been as an adult. On top of that, I moved to Florida to live with my aunt and uncle so the only thing I brought with me were the pictures and the Spode china.
I collect teapots and my son said that when I go he is hiring a big dumpster. I told him that I was putting his inheritance into each pot. He said that’s ok- he will get a crusher and a sieve to shake out the money! Enjoy your stuff while you’re alive and don’t worry about it when you’re gone.
Anita, I live in Oklahoma and the only place I went for vacation as a child was Texas! I enjoy your blog, thanks for sharing.
We are in the final stages of downsizing from 2950 sq ft to 1450 sq ft. My plan was/is to have a living estate sale of the things I no longer want, need or have room for…after my son and did take what they want.
I’m now starting to wonder if there will be enough left to sell! The kids are loving it all and taking quite a bit ?
They are passing on dishes, glasses, small items but are loving everything else. I am blessed.
Thank you for this! We are in our 70’s and I have become worried about all this – When we retired we actually moved to a larger house with huge closets – every inch is filled. I was the daughter of a British Canadian which meant that I received English china teacups for birthdays (yes, the same ones that now sell for as little as $2.50) Fortunately, I have given many teas – so while this wasn’t always “the style”they have been appreciated. Where will all this go? I guess I need to learn how to do Craig’s list or something because our adoring children are successful and minimalists and will never say they don’t want these things – but they won’t and will spend months getting rid of it all.
We fondly call our house, “The Archive”….we have all of my hubby’s Great-Great Grandmother/Grandfather’s movies, pictures…his Grandparents pictures,, and his mom and dads pictures…..as well as selected furniture. We had to choose quickly and carefully…we had furniture we liked. So we had to let go…hard to do too. Even books had to be let go. His Dad had saved EVERYTHING…receipts, books, clothes….etc. We felt guilty sending it off to the Assistance League, library, and all. In the end, we still have too much “stuff”. Much not used. The girls took some pieces and say they love this and that…but honestly…in the end…it’s just stuff.
I too kept some of my Mom’s things. And its interesting….my girls get appalled if I talk about “getting something new and getting rid of…..” Sweet. But, someday they too will have to make that decision…hard as it will be.
I’ve watched others…same thing. A friend of our daughters lost her mother a couple of years ago…she was determined not to carry the load…sold everything including the house…she wanted all new and fresh….
In the end…its just “stuff”…but why do we hang on to it??
When I lost my parents, my mother 6 months to the day after my father, I was tasked as the oldest child to sort through their belongings. I found china, crystal, and silver I had never seen let alone used. They had obviously saved all the “good stuff” for special occasions. My siblings were totally uninterested in this “old stuff”. I moved it all home and committed to use it every day. It doesn’t matter if I’m serving filet mignon or hamburgers on the grill, all meals at our home are now enjoyed on the beautiful dinnerware, and with the silver my parents had but never used. Every meal feels like a celebration and holds a connection to my past.
You have honored your parents! I know they are smiling down and thinking…we should have done that too. Enjoy what you have in this earthly realm. If you are very fortunate, you can pass it on to your children. But, you will enjoy every day.
Hi Anita,
First, I just found an old French Country Magazine where you were featured and got excited like you were my next door neighbor and in a magazine! It was a good feature and I enjoyed it. As for stuff and inheritance, yes, we have inherited! My grandmother died a few years back and had stipulated that none of her belongings could be sold. So, my mom and her sister gave and gave and gave things away! I was a repository for lots of good stuff and lots of junk. We fully furnished our 2-bedroom, den, and kitchen in the basement. I also have quilts, a cross-stitched sampler and some other treasures upstairs. Then, a couple of months ago my mother-in-law moved into our basement. We had a yard sale to get rid of most of the furnishings down there and I hauled a trailer-load to be donated. My mother in law downsized and we got lots of furnishings, artwork, and treasures from her. Then, my own mother married and combined her household with her new husband’s. So, more stuff was given. This summer has been a time of organizing, cleaning, and purging! Most things I don’t want, I am giving away to family or friends. But, I am in the mindset that our children had better speak for anything they want or I might get rid of it. As for when I’m gone, they can sell, donate, or even just dispose of any or all of it! We don’t need the stuff to hold onto the memories.
Great approach Beverly. That’s rough that you weren’t allowed to sell anything that belonged to grandma.
I have been doing what is known as “Swedish Death Cleaning”. No, it’s not about passing away today, tomorrow, or next week – or year for that matter. It’s a way to get everything in order so our children aren’t stuck with junk – sorting, tossing, dividing all the accumulation of 50 years of marriage. I have kept a clean and organized home for 45+ years now, but you still accumulate stuff. We have one child, and it’s going to be hard enough on her when we leave this earth and I wanted to make our aging and the eventual passing as easy on her as we can. I started going through this methodically – using a list of what I wanted to accomplish. We plan on downsizing to a townhouse in a nearby historic village in several years so that was my initial incentive to get going on the project. I first started with the bedrooms, simplifying things, sorting/donating clothing and getting all new matching slim hangers (an investment!). From there I shredded old paperwork, etc. The basement also got a rework. I donated things like bicycles that had been stored for 20 years, culled through luggage and keeping only what we really need.I got rid of a ton of old unused candy dishes, vases, kitchen appliances, etc. that had been in the basement pantry. It has lifted a heavy weight of my shoulders. We also gave my husband’s nephew all the antique family firearms/hunting guns and cabinet. Trying to get my husband on board has been a big of a struggle – but he knows it won’t get any easier next year. He just got rid of duplicate tools, old planters, hoses, you name it. It’s a continual work – a busy life and sometimes lack of motivation have made this a gradual process. I have kept some very meaningful items – like my grandmother’s silver creamer and sugar bowl, a wooden cutting board my Dad made 60 years ago, etc. They all have a places of honor in our home and I know our daughter will enjoy them for years after we are gone.
about 25-30 years ago when I was in my early 30’s and just getting into my “Style Groove” and elderly couple (in their 80’s) at our church once told us….You know, life is funny….you spend the first half of you life acquiring things…..then you spend the rest of your life trying to get rid of all that stuff……I guess I didn’t catch on then, coz I love lots-and-lots-of stuff around me….like the old Victorians….more is never enough! So….thanks to Ross, TJ Maxx, the Goodwill and only a few special places….so much of my “treasures” aren’t worth stressing over……So I’ve told my 3 kids….some of it is valuable and you can get some good money for it if you sell it….otherwise….have an auction place deal with it all and just split the check evenly……Like some of you have said….it’s just stuff and I’ll be busy DIY’ing my mansion in Heaven, ANYWAY !!! lol!!
Hi Anita! I can see that this is an older blog but HAD to comment! It has been so delightful reading each comment. Thank you for bringing it up and reposting about this topic. It is a subject near and dear to my heart and life because my Mom is now in Hospice care and our family is having to deal with the dispursing of her things, having done this before with my husband’s family. In the early years of our 44 year old marriage, we began to inherit furniture and other treasured items which helped form my decorating style. The beauty of having and USING these items was that our children grew up learning to appreciate their family heritage. My husband and I decided long ago to begin giving our children famly pieces that they loved as anniversary gifts and on other occasions. Each time that we “downsized” to a smaller home became an occasion to give pieces of furniture and treasured items so that we could enjoy our children and grandchildren having the pieces. It became a “rule”, established by our eldest son, that no family piece can be sold until all other family members said that they don’t want it! Our DILs styles have moved more towards Pottery Barn, Ballard etc and I appreciate the desire for less “clutter” in their homes. Why keep anything that you don’t LOVE?!!! They include the family pieces that they love in their design and if no one else wants it…it’s sold. I love the freedom to appreciate our heritage through inherited items but let’s not be tied to them for OUR IDENTITY and let’s certainly not put that lie and burden on anyone else, right?! Live with and clothe yourself with what you LOVE. It makes each day seem special.
You said it so well Deb. I kept a few of my mother’s things, then sold some things and gave away the rest. It was so freeing. If I had kept everything, I wouldn’t be able to walk through my house!
I’m reading this for the first time and I’m amazed at all the comments. I will be 70 this year! When my Mom died, neither of my siblings wanted her treasures. I was left with years of stuff she had been collecting. There was so much blue and white China and accessories that I stopped counting at 1000! Fortunately we have a 1830’s log cabin we use for entertaining here on our farm, so I stored most of the stuff there. Now I’ve decided to open a booth in an Antique Mall and I really enjoy going back through and holding the things she held and loved. We can’t turn back time but it would be nice to know the story behind some of the nicer pieces. Have a lovely Valentines Day!
Oh Cecilia, it’s wonderful to cherish the family heirlooms, but to not feel burdened by them. Hugs to you.
I have my mother-in-law’s good china and fortunately, my oldest granddaughter loves it. I also have my mother’s silver flatware and my other grown granddaughter said she’d like to have it. The two most expensive things I inherited are the wedding sets from my mother-in-law and my mother. My mother-in-law is a simple 1-carat solitaire that they bought on a trip to Switzerland. When Dad gave it to husband, we agreed that it would be passed down from oldest son to oldest son. My oldest son already had two boys so he knew the tradition would continue for at least two generations.
That idea came from my grandparents. Grandma told my mom that the rings Grandpa bought her when they’d been married 40+ years would go to her as the oldest daughter and that she’d like for that tradition to continue. One day my daughter will inherit the ring and many years from now, her oldest will inherit it. The biggest challenge is what to do with all the pictures, cabinets and other pieces my mother Tole-painted! She was very talented so it’s hard to let go of them from that standpoint, but many of them don’t work in my home and my kids have the pieces they want. I’ve made the decision to donate some of them to a local thrift store. I’m not sure what I’ll do with the 1901 tintype of my grandpa! When I discovered it wasn’t a photograph, I had it matted and framed under archival glass. Two of my daughters have said they’d love to have it so I have to decide who to leave it to!
Sounds like you have found a good solution to your the ‘what do I do with this’ question. Bravo!!!
I have so much stuff to go through, from parents all the way back to the great-grands, it’s overwhelming. I got started as I do not want my children being so overwhelmed. I’ve been giving them family pieces a few at a time, making sure they know the story of each piece. Something else, and I didn’t think of it but wished I had, if you find yourself getting rid of luggage, please donate it to your local foster-care administration to pass on to foster kids as they sometimes move from home to home. Being able to pack your stuff in a suitcase instead of a trash bag just might mean the whole world to some child that day. I was a foster kid, though my situation was a bit different. I kept relationships with my birth family, as well as full acceptance into my foster family. I truly know the blessing of that, believe me. It also means I inherited a bunch of stuff from all sides that now I’m passing down. I’m thankful for the blessing of it all!
Sounds like precious memories. I don’t have those. Sad but after my Dad passed away my Mom changed the will and left my sister and me completely out of it. So I don’t have but a couple of things that was my Moms. My DIL has different taste and that’s find with me. Her and our son have two children and are very happy. The things that I have is just stuff too. When my husband passed way our son took everything he wanted of his Dad’s and I’ve had many yard sales getting rid of his things and many things of mine.
What is left….they can do whatever they would like. IAM like you…it won’t matter to me, I’ll be in Heaven with our Lord, my beloved husband , my much loved pets and waiting on our loving son , my wonderful DIL and my wonderful grandchildren..
Life is short, enjoy each other and don’t worry about the stuff. Just love the Lord .
I too have had to do this first with my parents and now with an aunt ho inherited my great grandparents home that was home to three generations since the 1870’s. My sister and I have spent over two years going through things that have been untouched there since the early 1900’s. They were farmers so found my dad and aunts school papers, receipts and so much more. My sister and I shared some things and then my children have taken some furniture and items. Had an auction and no young people came to buy. Sad but true. What we didn’t take was all donated to goodwill and a rescued and restored store, that makes money for our church. My granddaughter wants some things and the boys have shown some interest in my stuff, but all say we can’t keep it all. Sounds like we all have the same problem.
It was lovely to read all of these comments and to know that I am not alone. My grandmothers both passed away before I was born so I have nothing from either of them. My mom was loving but was a minimalist before it was recognized and if something wasn’t useful, it was gone. I am a collector of things and have way too many and like most everyone who commented, I now have so much. I think I have tried to replace the lack of grandmothers with stuff they might have owned or liked. Now I have great grandchildren myself and recently my granddaughter told me that her furniture store dresser is falling apart and asked if I could spare a ‘good’ one from when furniture was well made so there is some hope that things will be cherished and appreciated again. And the lovely, well made furniture and china and silver will still be here when the new trends have self destructed. Thank you for all the comforting comments!
It’s so amazing to hear over and over how our children don’t want any of our things. When I got married I started out with nothing and didn’t have enough plates to have guests for dinner. When my grand mother moved and then a few years later went to a nursing home I was glad to get anything my mother and aunts didn’t want. Nowadays, people get married much later than we did. Women work and are able to afford Pottery Barn and whatever else they desire. They don’t need our hand me down furniture or china that’s not safe to use in the microwave. I can’t imagine anyone polishing my mother’s silverplate flatware which I lovingly cared for through the years or washing my crystal goblets by hand on Thanksgiving. All they talk about now is minimalism and how they are not into “stuff” yet they don’t want any of our used items and go out and buy all new. While I’ve tried to eliminate a lot of our things as we downsized in the past 3 years, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m going to enjoy what I do have and use what I like and not worry about what happens after I’m gone. I have more than enough to worry about today.
I am reading this for the first time. I love your kindness in respecting Bea and your daughter concerning your possessions. Reading about the fox stole brought back a funny memory for me. When I was 4 years old my Aunt Edith came to our house and her fox stole with beady eyes was placed on my bed. I was afraid to go into my room for fear it would bite me. My Aunt Edith left me her china and some of her antiques, which I appreciate.
That is so funny Jeanne. I can understand why it seemed scary!
I’m so late to this discussion but wanted to make two points –
1) old greeting cards/maps/menus etc can be sold. When my mom and I were clearing out her attic a few years ago , we threw that kind of stuff (1940-1975) in a box ( that had held 10 teams of paper) and took it to a local stamp dealer. We just said to send us a check when they had a chance to go thru it. A couple of weeks later, my mom received a $800 check. Believe me, this was just old paper stuff that could had easily been tossed.
2) Take photos of everything. While I didn’t want all my mom’s and aunt’s stuff, it’s nice to remember it all.
I purged my basement two years ago and it still feels great although once in a while, I go down there to get something only to remember it’s gone.
It hurts. I just received a Text message today, ‘You want any of this stuff? We really don’t have room for it.’ There lay all the dolls I had so carefully and lovingly selected, all the hand sewn and smocked dresses I had made with such care, sprawled in a plastic tub. Cast away. Discarded. It hurt. But that is the reality. Let it go and move on. The reality is, they don’t want your stuff. Lesson for the younger ones. DOn’t save stuff. You spend such care. You pay storage for years for it. They don’t want it. They are building their own lives. Move on. Sell your silver and go on a trip.
Awl, Karie, ouch. That does have to hurt! Handmade things like that sell well on ebay. Perhaps you can get it back and do so and use the money for something special for yourself.
Sorry for your hurt. I hate that for you.
Interesting blog read. My precious first mother-in-law died this morning. I know this was weighing heavy on her heart, too.
My girls already said they want none of my precious antique china. If it cannot be dishwashed they want no part of it, My younger sister’s youngest daughter said she wants to have it all because she wants to have tea parties, too. She is only 18, and extremely sentimental – so she will hopefully feel the same later on.
I have been selling – albeit slowly – a lot of my more pricey things knowing I cannot leave it for others to do or even know about how to sell it and it’s worth.
If you want to sell that chintz teapot I love it and would be interested if you ever wanted to part with it.
Have a fabulous weekend.
I’m from a long line of pack-rats–I grew up in the 70s but like other people here I’ve got that Depression-era aversion to throwing away anything that might be useful. That said, I’m trying to get rid of “junk” so that I can actually appreciate the things that mean a lot to me. I’m embracing my own eclectic style… My chairs might not match, but they’re all from my family and have stories behind them, and they make me happy.
I enjoyed reading all the fox stole stories! I used to be fascinated with those as a kid also, seeing them in antique shops. Recently my mom and I had to go through a dear neighbor’s estate after she passed away, and she had closets full of clothes among lots of other stuff. Way back in a closet was one of those fox stoles. I never knew her to wear it — perhaps it was from her mother or grandmother. We found out that a local wildlife rescue sanctuary accepts old fur coats, etc. and uses them to help baby orphaned animals feel safe and secure, so we donated it there and I like to think of baby foxes or squirrels snuggling up in it.
What interesting reading. I don’t have much inherited stuff. My mother had two fur coats that we said made her look like a gorilla. I remember the minks biting each other’s tails. No clue what happened to them. My grandmother owned a black sheared lamb’s wool coat. I often say “We were rich, but they wouldn’t tell the kids”
I am very sentimental and love glassware and china. It breaks my heart to go into a GW and set someone’s cherished collection separated and chipped. To see sets of china sold in bits and pieces breaks my heart. I also collect Chinoiserie and Asian pieces. My only daughter doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want my ‘stuff’ Oh well, she can have the money when it sells.
I was in a GW several years back and overheard a mother tell her young adult kids “When I die, I don’t care if you burn my stuff, but do not donate it to GW.” She didn’t want people picking over her ‘stuff’ Me either.
Anybody wants to donate their beautiful china, crystal and silver, I would love it just like you. I recently found some Iris and Herringbone bowls. Mine now.
Thanks for posting this piece.