It’s nice getting decorating advice, well sometimes it is.
I don’t know about you, but I get LOTS and LOTS of feedback on my decorating style. Feedback is good, and can be very helpful, but it is a double edged sword. Although feedback is vital to improvement, criticism can be a joy stealer and a creativity stopper. I get lots of positive comments and compliments, but I also get the ‘what were you thinking’ responses as well, more so on my Facebook page than here. People hated this chair on my cabinets, although I liked it. I kept it up for a long time,
but repaired and painted it later.
So I thought it might be time to address this issue. I know a lot of bloggers who get very upset by the criticism they receive. So if your husband or son or daughter or even best friend doesn’t like your sofa, what should you do?
Well, it depends. Of course there are many ways to deal with it, but I am going to share how I deal with it, since I know my technique works… at least for me!
No matter who the person is, I honestly listen to the feedback, then consider what the person is saying. Is she or he right, is not really my question. What I ask is, do I agree?
Let’s take the artwork for example. Everyone (pretty much) hated it in here. I thought about what they had to say. I had to agree that it wasn’t in keeping with the direction I wanted to go here, so I agreed that it wasn’t working. This was hard for me, because I do love it, and I love the artist, a good friend of mine. But I had to agree, and down it came.
In this case, was I crushed and hurt? No! I thought they had a point, I didn’t take it down to please readers. I took it down, because I agreed with them. Did I feel threatened? No! Some people have said this room needs curtains. I agree on that also. I just haven’t gotten to that yet, but I will add them at some point.
I try to separate myself from decorating. If you don’t like my decorating, I don’t feel threatened. I will survive if people don’t like it, and so will you. I just got a message from a reader saying she really didn’t like the plates above my bed at the farm. Okay so she doesn’t like them. Am I taking them down? No. I like them so I am keeping them. Is she wrong? Well no. I think she is correct that she doesn’t like them. And I am correct that I do. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me. The funny this as soon as I post something white, someone says it should be black, and if I post something black, you guessed it, someone says it should be white.
Now how about this piece? I asked if I should paint it. I got a mixed review.
Some said it would be dreadful to paint it. I considered the input, then did what I wanted to do. I painted it, knowing it would not make everyone happy. After it was painted a few people said they had voted against painting, but changed their mind now that they saw how nice it looked. I had some converts!
Some people are just not going to share your vision. Some can’t visualize how something will look. They may say it will be terrible without really having a good feel for what it will actually look like. Here is the secret. I want people to like me and like my decorating style, but if they don’t, I’m okay with that.
Look, the way I see there are two kinds of pizza lovers, thin and crispy crust lovers, and thick and chewy crust lovers. You can’t make them both happy with the same pizza. If you try to make them both happy, you will end up with a crust that doesn’t satisfy either one.
The other thing I want to say is just because people don’t ‘get’ your style doesn’t mean they are wrong and it doesn’t mean you are either. It just is what it is.
If you have confidence in yourself and your style then you won’t need the approval of others before you step forward. Like I said I do listen to varying viewpoints, but if I disagree, I just ignore the advice.
Others are simply stating their opinion, which in no way invalidates my opinion. I don’t need to get upset, or attack those that disagree.
So the bottom line is listen to criticism. If you agree with it, make adjustments. If you don’t agree, then just smile and say, “What an interesting idea!” and do what YOU want.
The reality is there are people out there that will like your style and get you. Those are your peeps. The others, the ones that don’t like your style are probably not your peeps. And I am good with that.
Good post, Anita.
The wisdom you shared applies not only in decorating, but to all areas of differing opinions. Thank you for sharing:)
I love reading your blogs just to see the pictures of what you’ve done. But this post really resonates with me and not because of decorating criticism. My wonderful hubby (not being sarcastic) has one glaring fault that is just getting worse as we get older. He wants everyone to agree with him. If you don’t agree with him when he first says something, then he’ll say it louder and louder. I’ve tried to talk to him about it with no success. Now I’m trying to figure out how to get him to read this! Thanks.
Seriously excellent post….and advice that can be applied to so many parts of life! And you have beautiful decorating taste BTW! 😉
Oh hey….I get this. I’m the Pottery Barn, Ballard, and a Birch Lane girl hanging in a French decor world. I just did a post where I converted a full bookcase of accessories from thrift to PB inspired. My peeps…get it. Others…..not so much. And like you said. That’s ok. There’s a market out there or PB wouldn’t have a full collection in that style. So it’s steady to the course for me. Thx for a nice post.
I, for one love your style but I understand it may not be for everyone. The thing is constructed criticism is good. When it becomes mean and hateful that is hurtful and uncalled for. People are becoming so intolerant which I find so sad.
Differences is what makes the world go ’round!!!
well said and right on!
The chair you repaired and painted later, with the white bowl sitting on it?
The most beautiful chair I’ve ever seen!!! You knew exactly what it needed to be!
Oh yes, and I like the rest of the post too, just distracted by your beautiful work!
Great post Anita! As far as criticism goes take the good and leave the bad. Listen but don’t let it affect what you love doing. A few years back when I had just started blogging I had a heckler, it happened to be a girl I was once very friendly with in high school. She would write some of the most demeaning things on both my blog and FB page, and I would try to be nice in my responses. Then one day on FB I posted a pic of two end tables I was going to paint for my son’s room, and she made a comment to the effect that the only thing they were good for was kindling. It was her opinion but I really didn’t need to hear it put in such a mean way. It bothered me for awhile until my sister told me not to let anyone live in my head without paying rent. As it turned out my son LOVED his new bed tables…and that opinion was the one I truly cared about!
Have a great week!
XO Barbara
My husband doesn’t have my vision for things but he goes along with the ideas and will even do the work and likes it in the end. I saw a vintage dresser in a shop last week and he didn’t like it. He thought maybe if I painted it a different color but I liked it with the vintage paint We bought it. After it was home and cleaned up and in place he said it matched perfectly! I was in a furniture store with two friends and my daughter, looking at couches. The salesman showed us one similar to one I was looking at. My friend sat on it and told him “Oh, I could never let her buy this one.” I loved the look on the guys face! And she was right, it was not as comfortable as the one I had been looking at!
Great post, Anita! I think this is really good advice. I posted my house on HGTV Rate My Space several years ago. There were many kind comments but one lady said I used too much greenery. I took my house off HGTV – lol. I decided I didn’t have a thick enough skin. Your house is beautiful and I love your style.
Lynda @ Gates of Crystal
Love the encouragement. You just can’t imagine how much! 🙂 thank you.
You are so right everyone has an opinion, that’s fine we live in america right? This is your home and you are just sharing it with us…….it is lovely not always me but do appreciate everyone’s vision. You never know there might be something you have done that might be just the tweak we have been looking for! Thanks for sharing with us!
Well said Anita!
Enjoyed reading this post! Marcy
I love this post. You are clear and on point. Thanks for stepping up and saying it!
I love this post, b/c yes comments do inflict insecurity on one’s choices. However, what i’m finding is i’m not quite sure of my confidence. I don’t know quite how to get that confidence in my style.
Any suggestions.
Jane
Great post Anita…I don’t think my skin will ever be think enough to have a blog…there are just so many mean people that hide behind the internet…you have great taste and if I don’t always love everything,I certainly appreciate the work that goes into another persons design…keep up the fabulous work!
Sharon
Great post and very helpful. I love your style, your decorating savy and have learned some valuable information !
I love your style, and yet seem to only commend you on your great interpersonal skills. This is an excellent post, and as others have said, applies beyond decorating.
I also love all your examples, all lovely in their own way.
Thank you!
I love decorating blogs and I think it
is great to see so many different ways we all decorate. But let’s face it-even in our own neighborhoods we are not going to like how every one of our neighbors or friends decorate. I think you should like how you decorate no matter what anyone else says and do what YOU like! The negative comments should not bother you-but I can understand how it can make a blogger feel. When writing a comment I try to put myself on the receiving end before I publish it.
I like your style and your blog.
I totally agree with you! I ask people to tell me what they think because I like to hear the different view points, but then I do what I want to do (which is usually different than most people think). A lot of people say “Well, I don’t want to tell you what to do.” The way I see it, I’m not going to do it if I don’t want to, but someone may just have a good suggestion! (that I may tweak!) 🙂 PS: What is the grey paint that you used in the bedroom? (I like it.)(And may or may not use it.)
While agreeing with your premise and how you present it, I am concerned about something else.
It makes me feel as if I’m “off center” and weirdly confused: IN the first photo, that chair looks like a child-size version on top of the cabinet. In the after photo it looks like a normal sized chair and not something small enough to be up on top of a cabinet.
Am I nuts? Am I seeing things? What’s the story there? Please tell me I’m not “losing it” and there is a rational explanation for a tiny chair turning into a full sized chair. Or is the after photo set up in a miniature model room? Thanks for letting me know if I need a head doctor or not…
It is exactly the same chair.